Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
