i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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