On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
