Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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