Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
