i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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