Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
