so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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