I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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