I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
