I just saw a hot homeless man
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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