i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
