a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need moral support for this bender
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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