so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
