Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
