You're completely useless in the revolution.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
