I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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