I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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