At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
