i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
