I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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