I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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