last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
