in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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