So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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