a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
