I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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