No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
