Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
