i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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