what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
