Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
