just survived the first fart of the relationship.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dicks are not precious.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
