watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
