So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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