Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize