@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
