he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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