Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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