Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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