I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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