Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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