i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
