Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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