it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
