I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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