It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want to make out with him forever
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
