I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
