How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
