so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
