Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
