i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
