I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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