I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
