her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
