So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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