Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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