I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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