I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
