I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
