The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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