my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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