Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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