And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
