East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
